Ey up, Prescott here again. You know, that class traitor bloke you don’t see much of on telly any more.
The fantastic private railway goes from strength to strength. More than a billion passenger journeys last year!
There’s only one way to celebrate this triumph - shut down lines and stations, and charge the passengers more! Bloody brilliant.
I especially like the TOCs’ idea of a ‘congestion charge’ to squeeze even more out of those daft enough to use trains rather than drive Jags like me. Must have got the idea from my very good friend Ken.
Such thrusting entrepreneurial spirit means that rail directors’ whopping bonuses are fully justified. And if you whingeing workers keep on tightening your belts, then the big cheeses can keep on raking it in.
Take those top blokes at Network Rail. Nearly a million quid between them. Result! Some moaners seem to resent it, and go on about how one in six trains run late, as if this could possibly be the directors’ fault. Lazy train drivers, if you ask me.
You’re paid to drive the trains, while the directors are paid (much more) to take responsibility. Except for when things go wrong, of course, when they are paid to avoid responsibility. And a very good job they do of it. Much like politicians, really.
What a life. And a well-funded retirement to look forward to as well. Don’t complain, you jealous gits - else I’ll chin yer.