Here I am in the fabled land of England knocking back Irn Bru, which has absolutely no sugar in it just girders, lots and lots of girders.
It has so many girders in it that you can build bridges with Irn Bru to get you all the way to Scotland, but at the moment no one is allowed to leave London except for essential travel.
However, it is of course essential that Irn Bru reach us, otherwise we’d be back in the dark old days when you had to smuggle it across the Scottish border in Whiskey kegs.
As everyone knows Scottish money is all in Irn Bru, it is their only export.
The English can get on just fine without the Scottish, they just really need them to export Irn Bru at the moment because none of Europe want to export any of their Beer to them because they’re annoyed that they want Independence.
The English of course cannot make Beer, they’re too damn stupid.
Independence is also incidentally what the Scottish want, this is because the Scottish hate the English and this has nothing to do with austerity and Conservative governments.
Only the Scottish have a national health service, the English think that such things are a waste of taxpayers’ money.